Optimized

LizzieLou | blogging about blogging,nablopomo | Thursday, November 15th, 2012

I’m always getting spam about improving my status and search-ability. I think I’m doing just swell. Some recent and popular search terms for this site have been:

1. bleh [Yes, I agree; it often does epitomize “bleh.” This post being a prime example.]

2. what do acid tabs look like [They look like tiny photos of my birthday presents. I guess I am sort of providing a public service here.]

3. eyeball dented [Fine, keep bringing it up. I still feel horrible about that.]

4. accident prone [This is a good match too. Although, luckily, not to jinx myself or anything, I haven’t tripped on the sidewalk, fallen down the stairs, walked into a post, chopped myself with the flower trimmer, or cheese-grated my own thumb in quite some time.]

5. horrible grass [This must mean the pampas grass monster. Holy shit, you should see this thing now. A photo might be in order here.]

6. girl trying to reach bubbles [Eh? As in … “Hello? This is Cindy. I’m calling for Bubbles…. No? … Oh. Could you tell me when he’ll be back?” I have no idea – I don’t ever recall posting about this.]

7. lollypalooza dolls [Obviously, people have heard about my awesome Lolly dolly and want one for themselves.]

8. kathren hepburn nipples [WTF. That is not how you spell “Katharine.” No, seriously – WTF???]

9. kitten mittens [This is a surprise! I didn’t know that Eelaine and Tery’s band had become so well known. Of course, they may just be Googling themselves.]

10. lesbo phone numbers [I am the keeper of all lesbo phone numbers. I have the phone numbers of all of the lesbian peoples everywhere. Also, Lolly has all of their email addresses.]

Scripture Cookie

LizzieLou | inappropriate,nablopomo | Wednesday, November 14th, 2012

… in bed.

Recent Needle Related Exploits

LizzieLou | crafty,nablopomo | Tuesday, November 13th, 2012

I haven’t knit too many items so far this year. I have been working on larger items, most yet unfinished. I have done some smaller things, e.g. some “wedding bells” for my friends’ gay wedding, and a stash-reducing scarf that came out kinda cute.

One item that I did finally finish was the first sweater that I started a few years ago. Back then, in preparation of heading out into the world of knitting on my own, I bought one brown and one white skein each of a nice organic cotton. I tested a couple swatches, trying out some different kinds of stitches, and decided that I liked it so much I started a sweater: v-neck, size extra large. I don’t remember if I tested my gauge. (I hate doing that. I never match what the pattern says.) But I did learn that dye lot matters and you can’t make a sweater with one ball of yarn. I went out and got some more and kept knitting after the first ball was gone. Yikes! Stripes! I thought maybe I’d finish it just for me, for wearing around the house, because I still hadn’t purchased enough yarn to finish completely so the front was going to have mismatched dye lots too. I put it aside again and meanwhile made four and half other sweaters and an ark full of animals. This year, I finally got the rest of the yarn that I would need to finish and did the front and the sleeves and stitched the whole giant thing together. Done! It nearly fit me but was too snug-in-the-boobs (not shrinking) so I sent it to my dad for his birthday. He’s skinny and cold all the time so I thought it would be a nice soft, snuggly, TV-watching sweater for him.

Mom took a photo, which she sent me. While she uses a digital camera, she doesn’t know how to move those photos to her PC and email them. But she can print them from the data card and give it to the USPS to deliver. Here is my rendering of my mother’s photo of my skinny dad in the giant sweater I made:


drawn to scale

Exhibit B

LizzieLou | blogging about blogging,nablopomo | Monday, November 12th, 2012

When you are a lazy lump, you spend your extra day-off from work watching “The Pacific” miniseries. It’s only ten hours long. Then, you might play a little Indiana Jones 2 The Adventure Continues, that you rented for 99p from the Blockbuster Video and feel like you wasted 94p because, like the tacked-on sequel to the original movies, the tacked-on sequel to the video game (LEGO version) is also sucky. (I have borrowed my friends’ Wii. Lolly and I have avatars. Sometimes we play ping-pong. Mostly I play that Indiana Jones LEGO game, the first one. Or I did, until I beat it and made it rain money and love from the sky. Ok, so it was just the virtual sky and no one really got money or love, but it did keep me out of Lolly’s hair for a while. Also, it siphoned away many brain cells and this is all I have to post about today.)

Rescuing the World, One Dream at a Time

LizzieLou | dreams,nablopomo | Sunday, November 11th, 2012

Early this morning I was traveling down the road and I came across a woman in front of Our Lady of Mercy who was walking a baby. She had the infant on a rigid, white, three-pronged, metal ‘leash’ that ended in a ring that went around the baby’s neck. Because it was stiff and she was holding it out in front of her, the baby could kind of walk as it dangled along, but when it couldn’t (on it’s tiny, rubbery, bowleggedy legs) she just sorta dragged it.

Clearly this was fucked up and I had to do something.

My best course of action, I thought, was to pretend to be quite friendly to the woman, but she was unresponsive like she couldn’t hear me or maybe she didn’t speak English. Yet, her affect was flatter than flat. I suppose you can be insane AND not speak English both at the same time. I bent down and started petting the baby and the woman said her name: “Phoebe.” (In a strange coincidence this was the same name as the neighbor’s shih tzu that I bent down to pet and was introduced to just the other day while I was out going to pick up some hot wings.) I released the baby from her leash. I don’t know if an infant can really express relief and reassurance with just a look, but his one did. I was careful to properly support her head the way you’re supposed to. I lifted her up delicately and held her like a baby.

Then we went into the church. There was a bazaar or a pot luck happening and I was trying to get the crazy lady to eat some food while I went around telling everybody about the horrible way she had treated the baby. I needed this justification because I decided that I wasn’t giving the baby back. The crazy lady, who was Russian or French I never did figure it out, seemed ok with this so she just wandered off and faded away. And voila! I saved a baby.

Exhibit A

LizzieLou | blogging about blogging,nablopomo | Saturday, November 10th, 2012

When you are a lazy lump, you don’t get around to finishing a blog post for your nablopomo. You do a little work and then you play computer games and get tired of sitting at your desk before you have accomplished your Very Small Goal. And now… some TV watching.

Reason I Should Have an iPhone #11: Ornithological

LizzieLou | nablopomo,wildlife | Friday, November 9th, 2012

While I occasionally see some bird things that are pretty cool, like a crow playing with a ping pong ball — or I should say, attempting to open it like it was an egg and then chasing it all around the street — I think I saw something several weeks ago that was really pretty rare.

I was walking to another building for work in the afternoon and I passed by some birds frolicking — or again, probably not really playing but instead trying to eke out a little sustenance — and noticed a funny looking one. I thought at first that it was a pigeon hanging out with the robins, but on closer look, was actually an albino robin. (I know some of you might think that I see an albino Robin everyday, but it’s just not so.) This one was male. He was still red-breasted, but all the rest of his feathers were white with wee flecks of gray here and there.

And if I only had one of them fancy phones all the kids are using these days I could have probably made a bunch of bird watchers extra happy!

Middle Age or Middle Earth

LizzieLou | aging,nablopomo | Thursday, November 8th, 2012

I have been taking part in a research study in which I: a) did some cognitive testing which indicated I still have my mental faculties (whew), b) told somebody my real weight (although I’ve been doing this more and more because who do I think I’m fooling any more?), c) gave some blood, and d) had my height measured too. That last one was the only difficult part. For years I’ve been going to the doctor for regular appointments and such, and while they will weigh me Every Single Time (tetanus booster = need to weigh, really?) they very rarely bother with my height. That said, one time recently that the medical assistant did take my height she gave me (what I thought then to be) an extra three inches. I must have had some big hair that day (bigger hair = lower BMI). In short, I have been thinking for years that I am around 5’10 1/2″ so I could round up to 5’11”. But, that’s not true any more (if it ever was). According to my latest study related measurement I’m now just, only, exactly, 5’10”.

So I’m shrinking.

Then, my shoes started pinching. Actually they started pinching longer ago, particularly with my tennies. I thought they were just shit tennies. The shoes that fit the best started falling apart and the ones still true and sturdy were so bad that I seriously considering walking on the sidewalks downtown in my socks. I think I even gave myself some nerve damage which has manifested itself as an extreme, specific, periodic itchiness just on the tip of my right big toe. Or, I as I like to call it (shoutingly), “TOECH!” For my birthday, Lolly (weary of the toech) treated me to some new shoes. We went to a local place and they said that I am not a size 10, that I am a size 11.

And my feet are growing.

One morning at work I was reporting these latest developments to my friend and I commented that with my self-shrinking and my feet-enbiggening and the general getting-hairierness I’ve been experiencing I fear that I am turning into a hobbit. She said, “Cool! Now you can have second breakfast!”

The Morning After

LizzieLou | lolly palooza,nablopomo | Wednesday, November 7th, 2012

0730 – still in bed:
 

What are you doing? Thinking about how late I am.
I don’t think you should have to go to work the day after Election Day. Can’t you call in and tell them you are busy planning our gay wedding and checking Whole Foods to see if the marijuana is in yet? I totally should do that. Will it be there, the marijuana at Whole Foods?
Next to the wine section? Bulk herbs? With the spinach? Maybe you could just go to one of the eighty-five medical marijuana places in our neighborhood and be like, “Hey! Gimme a doobie!”
I think you need a special card just to get into one of those places. Will you be able to get a six pack of doobage at the 7-11?
Do people really still use “doobie?” Clearly. Who’s standing on me?
That’s Meep. I’m sorry Weezie Meep, we still can’t get married. But since gay marriage inevitably will lead to people marrying their pets, it’s now just a matter of time. You’ll have to be patient.
No. But really, Meep, what would it change? It’s just a piece of paper. Are you any less my companion animal because we are not married?
She still couldn’t come see you in the hospital. She doesn’t drive, and can’t ride the bus and it’s too far to walk. Plus, she’s not even allowed to leave the house! See? Silly Weeze.
I don’t want you to go to work today. Me neither.
I’m hungry. I want a hamburger. (((squeeze)))
No, don’t squeeze me. I’m hungry. I have to get up. Me too. I’m late. (((squeeze))) I’m going to wear my party pants today.
   

 

Kittens Can’t Vote

LizzieLou | nablopomo,pets | Tuesday, November 6th, 2012

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