Celebrity Friends : Hey, you, famous person, and me, we’re just hangin’ out like pals, like buds. I don’t care that you’re famous. We’re cool like that.
Hero : Don’t worry! I’ll save you. Maybe I’ll fight some people. Maybe I’ll call 911. Maybe I will lift this heavy object or jump through this window. Rawr!
My Cats : They’re outside. Why are they out there? How did they get there? Ohmygod I have to get them. Oh no! They’re out again!
Other Cats : Oh so cute! No wait. Not quite cute. Sorta weird looking: tiny coffee bean eyes, a mouth full of human baby teeth, extra pointy snout. Oh well. Nice kitties
Public Restrooms : Filth! No privacy! Filth! Ugh! Filth!
Sorry : I know we haven’t spoken to each other in forever. Perhaps you’ve moved away. Perhaps I’ve moved on. Either way, it’s kinda nice to see you here.
Working : I’m there already and I haven’t even gotten out of bed yet? And now I need to get up and go there again? Bummer.
Early this morning I was traveling down the road and I came across a woman in front of Our Lady of Mercy who was walking a baby. She had the infant on a rigid, white, three-pronged, metal ‘leash’ that ended in a ring that went around the baby’s neck. Because it was stiff and she was holding it out in front of her, the baby could kind of walk as it dangled along, but when it couldn’t (on it’s tiny, rubbery, bowleggedy legs) she just sorta dragged it.
Clearly this was fucked up and I had to do something.
My best course of action, I thought, was to pretend to be quite friendly to the woman, but she was unresponsive like she couldn’t hear me or maybe she didn’t speak English. Yet, her affect was flatter than flat. I suppose you can be insane AND not speak English both at the same time. I bent down and started petting the baby and the woman said her name: “Phoebe.” (In a strange coincidence this was the same name as the neighbor’s shih tzu that I bent down to pet and was introduced to just the other day while I was out going to pick up some hot wings.) I released the baby from her leash. I don’t know if an infant can really express relief and reassurance with just a look, but his one did. I was careful to properly support her head the way you’re supposed to. I lifted her up delicately and held her like a baby.
Then we went into the church. There was a bazaar or a pot luck happening and I was trying to get the crazy lady to eat some food while I went around telling everybody about the horrible way she had treated the baby. I needed this justification because I decided that I wasn’t giving the baby back. The crazy lady, who was Russian or French I never did figure it out, seemed ok with this so she just wandered off and faded away. And voila! I saved a baby.
It’s November again! That was fast. . . Well, just in case I decide to do this NaBloPoMo thing again this year, I thought I best start off with something, because otherwise I might be sad that I didn’t later, if think I want to blog for a month.
I’m so rusty. I couldn’t even remember the password to log in to my own blog!
Last night I had a dream that I was a young gay man riding my unicycle all over the campus of the University of Connecticut. I was impressed by my own skill and stamina. I never found what it was I was looking for, but it was nice to visit.
I dreamt that I was visiting my parents and we were sitting at a picnic table in their back yard. From the field behind their house, a little grey cat came bounding up and jumped up to the back of my chair. I was startled at first and my dad looked at me like, “What is it with you and the cats?” I shrugged.
The kitty was cute and I think my parents were going to keep him. He started walking back and forth in front of me on the table I noticed that his front legs were short like a Munchkin. But you see that sometimes, and it’s no big deal. As I pet him, I saw other cats starting to come up out of woods and cross the yard towards us.
“Wow, Dad. I didn’t know you guys had such a feral cat problem here.” Now he shrugged, and asked me what I was doing. “I’m not doing anything! I don’t know why they’re all coming.” The next cat was an old one-eyed tabby. You see that sometimes too, poor old cat. The next one was missing an ear. The next one had a huge Cheshire Cat head with giant bugged out eyeballs. Oh, well, that’s a little weird. Another one had a squeezed up wrinkly pointy face and just one ear on the top in the center. Ahhh. Ew? No, I mean, you’re a sweet kitty, so nice! It’s not your fault! Soon there were about a dozen cats of different sizes, shapes, colors and freakishness all gathering ’round and mewing and purring. Oh no! What AM I going to do now!?!
And then I woke up.
i feel pretty, o so pretty
i feel pretty and witty and gay