Stayed up late enough to cap the whole thing off. Thirty blog posts in thirty days. Thanks to Lolly and Eelaine and Tery and Linsey and Janie and Jenni and Matt and Andrea and Rachel and Kim and all the robospammers for paying attention to me Me ME this month.
And now back to our regularly scheduled programming.
After my first year away at school, I went back to Cape Cod to work again for the summer. My 5&10 friends (BF and the Looneygirl) were now working at a schmancy hotel as maids. I decided to work there too, and live with them there in the dorms for the workers – bellmen, waitstaff, foodservice, deskfolk and us… housekeeping staff. Also known by the less politically correct term of “chamber maids.” A usual day started early: the yanking on of ill-fitting and ass-ugly dress uniforms, communal breakfast, then to the laundry for our assignments. Our first task was to dust the sun room off the lobby. En masse we strode humbly into the main hotel building and dusted an acre of wicker furniture. Pure tedium. Then we returned to the laundry and gathered up our buckets of toxic cleaning sprays, rags, clean towels and fresh linens. When the rooms were done, we were free until after dinner, when we had to return to do turn-downs: refreshing the towels, drawing the curtains, turning on the lights, turning down the beds and leaving chocolates on the pillows.
The real tale here however is not the daily grind. It’s the occasional freaks who came to stay at the hotel, the weirdness of the hotel itself, and the debauched behavior of those that worked there.
Freaks… One of the oddest was a single middle aged woman in one of the cottages. She would never let the maid in while she was there and she was occasionally heard to be shouting and wailing. When we were finally able to get in the room, we discovered that she had stabbed and shredded all of her pillows. What to do? Well, seeing as this was a schwanky place and the lady was paying a shitload of money to stay there, we replaced her pillows. A couple days passed and we were able to return and she had stabbed her pillows to death once again. She caused quite a buzz for a week, but we never did find out what her problem was. Displaced homicidal tendencies or feather allergy? No idea. There was also a salacious rumor about Ben Vereen’s nocturnal activity when he was a guest one time, but I don’t want to be sued by his estate so I’ll have to stay mum.
Weirdness… One of the original cabins was referred to as the Amityville cabin. It is shaped a little like the evil house from the movie with the same pair of quarter-round windows on the upper floor. The general belief amongst the staff was that it was haunted. Maids told spooky stories about feeling cold spots, and feeling like they were not alone. One time Looneygirl was assigned to clean the cabin and made me go with her. At that time in my life I was pretty woo-woo and agreed that there was a presence there. I hope the next check-in didn’t mind the shitty vacuuming job, but we had to finish quickly before becoming possessed and murderous.
Debauchery… I can’t say too much about this here because my sister reads this blog. But there was the one time the turn-downs took about 3 hours, because the maids were under the influence and “one of them” spent 20 minutes chasing a bunny around the putting green to see if it would eat a fancy, shell-shaped chocolate. And of course there was the embezzlement of several pounds of fancy, shell-shaped chocolates which, when dipped in a jar of peanut butter, made an excellent midnight snack after a party. They also made a nice gift for Gram when she would come pick me up for church on Sundays.
For Thanksgiving dinner I ate fish heads. Three of them – with the bodies attached. Whenever Lolly and I go to Maneki I try to get something different. Tonight that was broiled sardines and roe. I forget the correct name for them. Four little whole cooked sardines came on a plate. It wasn’t quite what I was expecting; the roe was still inside them. I asked the hostess what was the best way to eat them. “Head first!” she said. You just pick them up and eat them head first because you don’t want the little bones to go in the stabby way. So, I picked up the little fish and bit its little head right off and chewed it up. Delicious!
Tonight is a peaceful night in the gingerbread house. I don’t have to do any shopping. I don’t have to do any cooking. I don’t have to do any vacuuming. I don’t have to prepare any food or hang any decorations. I don’t have to make sure I have clean clothes to wear for tomorrow. I am full-on with the lazy-do-nothing Thanksgiving. I will be giving thanks that I can sleep in, shuffle around all day in the clutter and dust, wear a ratty tee shirt and watch tv with my groggy, dirty kittens by my side. This year I am giving a big cheer for S-L-O-T-H! Yay!
Hola compadres y buenas noches! I am loving the Senor Moose Cafe in Seattle. In the past we’ve gone there for breakfast, but this evening we went ’round for dinner. Es muy bien muchachos.
One of the non-food highlights of the evening was the 4 year old seated next to us. Now you may think that I am about to complain right now about someone else’s baby – but you’re wrong! When she was finished eating she walked around the table that her brother and mom were sitting at to investigate a wooden statue. This statue was about three feet high, a shade taller than the girl, and carved out of a large log – sorta like in those Pemco ads. It had large jutting pointed breasts, naked breasts. I think it was supposed to be a mermaid. It looked a little like this, but much more stylized and WAY bigger boobs. Anyway, the little girl stood eye-to-eye with this thing and put both her hands on the giant jutting boobs and fondled them for a good five minutes. Lolly and I were just laughing and her mom was asking her quietly to come away from there, but she kept polishing them. Those were some fascinating giant wooden boobs. Finally the little family left.
Finally! I mean really, kid, stop hogging the mermaid. Viva la sirena!
I’m running late on the blog post today, so I have only eight minutes to blah blah. Let’s pretend I have enough time to write about how wonderful Lolly is, and how popular this blog is with spammers, and how after watching so many episodes of Friday Night Lights I will now start calling everyone “son.” That is all. Catch ya later.
I am happy to report that I have finally found out the name of a movie that I saw as a youngster that imprinted on my brain in ways I care not to investigate. Say hello to “The Thing That Couldn’t Die.” I must have seen this on Chiller Theatre on television when I was around 6 years old or so. For over thirty years I have had passing thoughts about a bearded head in a hat box and lady walking around in the woods at night with a divining rod trying to find the decapitated head’s body. I’ve never seen a hat box and NOT thought about it containing a head.
Anticlimactic note: Although this is Very Exciting News for me, apparently if I had been watching Mystery Science Theater 3000 I would have seen this movie spoofed ages ago and would have no blog post for today. See comment section for the trailer. (IF YOU DARE!)
I will take time again this November for the seven things list. Last year it was “random or weird” things and this year is “revealing” things. I think these are the same kinda things for me.
Thing 1. I get choked up every time I watch the opening of American Experience on PBS.
Thing 2. I once really thought that the exotic dancer really liked me.
Thing 3. I ”accidently spilled” a beer into the lap of a guy who I thought was flirting with my girlfriend.
Thing 4. I spent so much time yelling “BOO!” and jumping out of doorways at my sister when she walked down the hall to and from her bedroom that I gave her PTSD.
Thing 5. I meant to kiss my cat on the head, but he turned around and because I had my little eyes closed I kissed his anus instead.
Thing 6. I have to cut all the labels out of all of my clothes all of the time because they might someday make me itchy.
Thing 7. I had a coworker ask me if I was “glowing” because I was in love, and I did not tell her it was because of watching Xena Warrior Princess.
Thanks to Matt for helping me out by providing me a blog post idea as the month goes on and on. Merci.
