Holy Warning Signs

LizzieLou | comics,memoir | Saturday, February 9th, 2019

There was one classic superhero comic book that I had as a kid — and probably I only ‘half’ had it as I suspect it might actually have belonged to my sister — and that was Batman #181 “Beware of Poison Ivy.” (I know this comic is kicking around in my possessions somewhere, worth zero dollars, its cover tattered and its pages written on; alas I can’t seem to locate it.)

We were not permitted to watch the Batman television show (in afternoon reruns in the 70’s) because my parents did not condone the violence of “BAM!” “ZOWIE!” “BOP!” and using your fists to solve problems. We did manage to sneak in episodes of the show when they weren’t home or watch some at the neighbor’s house. The point being, I have no idea how this comic snuck it’s way into our house. Baby’s first contraband.

Most of the comics we had around during my childhood were the “Spire Christian Comics”. These included some Archie comics, wherein Archie, Jughead and the gang learn valuable moral lessons about kindness and fairness and the importance of prayer. Some of the others were true stories of Christian fortitude and martyrdom: a story about a guy who smuggled Bibles behind the Iron Curtain, an adaptation of “The Hiding Place” about a Dutch family who hid Jewish fugitives in their apartment and then were sent to concentration camps because of it, and a tale of five young, handsome missionaries who went to South America and were brutally murdered by the indigenous people they had gone to convert.

Sure, I didn’t have any sort of psychosocial issues from reading these wholesome Christian comics multiple times, but the 1966 Batman who danced the Batusi was too violent. Anyway… back to Batman.

I can’t tell you how many times I looked at these panels, particularly this first one (although I also liked staring at the other scantily clad villainesses as well) of Batman and Poison Ivy kissing. In retrospect, it’s clear to me that when I gazed upon this panel I had several thoughts and feelings.
1) When you kiss a girl, it makes you feels swoony and dizzy.
2) It looks really fun to kiss a pretty girl, especially one with red hair.
3) I think I would like to be the Batman.
4) I could hang out with Robin and kiss pretty girls.

Cut to many years later: I swoonily kissed and eventually married a red-headed woman named Robin. Mission accomplished.

I AM Batman.

Loser

LizzieLou | blogging about blogging | Thursday, December 13th, 2018

Hey, guess what!? I totally failed NoBloPoMo!
I will now commence a series of rants about television shows that I watch.
Thank you.

My New Great Idea

LizzieLou | nablopomo | Tuesday, November 13th, 2018

… is to open a restaurant called “I Forget the Name of It”. That way, my sister will always know where it was she went for lunch, as long that that is the only place she goes.

Someone will have to make a movie about it too, also called “I Forget the Name of It”. Obviously. Then, because of it’s great success, it will also have to be made into a television or streaming series. “Hey! that new show is on Netflix, ‘I Forget the Name of It’ and it was reviewed really well.”

Correction

LizzieLou | blogging about blogging,nablopomo | Monday, November 12th, 2018

Really, it’s two posts because this one doesn’t count either.

Damn.

Missed a Post!

LizzieLou | nablopomo | Sunday, November 11th, 2018

Spent a lovely afternoon delighting in the company of my spouse. Then we went to the symphony. Like fancy pants (wearing casual pants)!

They Had Been a Magnet all Evening (NSFW)

LizzieLou | nablopomo,reading | Thursday, November 8th, 2018

I have just discovered the joy of reading femslash fan fiction that has been run through Google Translate. Honestly, I wish I could just copy and past the whole thing here because it is incredibly confusing and mindnumbingly awful and just so hilarious. (I feel compelled to say this refers to the translation, as the story itself is actually kinda sweet.) Some phrases are really bad, but so bad they’re good, and I wish I had written them myself. Here are some of those choice bits translated from Italian:

  • They walked up to the bedroom, never taking their lips off.
  • A moan more intense than the others exploded from the mouth of the blackberry, a sign that had reached the maximum pleasure.
  • She squeezed the sheets tightly when the other’s tongue seized, overbearingly, her femininity.
  • The heat that until recently was concentrated in a single point, exploded domineering making her moan without demeanor.
  • Her lips with impenetrable lust met with the lips of blondes.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go fan myself.

This RBF Has Whiskers

LizzieLou | nablopomo,pets | Wednesday, November 7th, 2018

Harriet is the cattiest cat we have ever had (maybe besides poor, dumb Monster). The reason her name is Harriet isn’t just because she’s hairy. She also looks like a Harriet. She looked like a little-bit-grumpy, slightly paranoid, certainly snobby, old lady named Harriet… as a KITTEN. Her previous person –what’s the name for that? it’s not her birth mama; it’s kinda her foster parents; or maybe her mother’s midwife? pimp? whatever– agreed that this was a fitting name for her.

I forget how Lolly found her (I was brought in to the whole process rather late), but soon we found ourselves in the car driving almost two hours out to some farm to fetch her. Then she screeched the entire ride back. (Harriet, not Lolly.) It was dark and raining. And screechy.

Her assimilation into the household went pretty smoothly. What’s not to like about a confident, curious fuzzball? Even our jaded old queens (that would be everyone except Franklin) were well behaved. Franklin and Harriet soon fell in love. They are now known as “The Longbodys” Mr. Franklin P. Longbody and his wife, Harriet. Their union was a whirlwind; no time to register at the PetCo or the Mud Bay Granary. Someone else fell in love too. Not immediately, because that love was unrequited at first, but after a while…

Lolly and Harriet sitting on the couch
S-m-o-o-c-h-i-n-g
First comes love, then comes Harriet taking up a full third of the bed as Lolly spoons her and I am all alone and cold on my remaining sliver of bed.

:::insert deadpan face emoji here:::

I try to give Harriet some love too. Her response to which is almost always a high-pitched, and rather nasal sounding, “Neeeeeeeewwwww.” Then she stares at me from across the room with her big eyes and her little pouty face. She is so totally and completely Lolly’s cat. So much so, that Harriet dismissively refers to me as: “Mommy’s Roommate.”

Excuse Me

LizzieLou | blogging about blogging,nablopomo | Sunday, November 4th, 2018

Being short on time for posting today, I checked into my drafts folder and I found a document that simply stated:

“Anything would be more dignified than tickling her piglet.”

Apparently there was a story there that I have since forgotten. What a shame!

[title goes here]

LizzieLou | nablopomo,news & politics | Saturday, November 3rd, 2018

It’s the weekend before the next election day.

Before I decided to attempt writing again, I had been looking back over some of my old blog posts. I read about my worries and my complaints about the then-current state of affairs, and candidates, and right-wing regressive haters, and threats to our democracy. It’s in no way a unique observation these days, but: jesusfuckingchrist, I had no idea how shitty things could really get.

Regarding the content of whatever posts I would have written in 2016, it couldn’t be more obvious. Trump is evil – literally, biblically, rhetorically, physically. All of the disgust and fear and hopelessness his campaign and treasonous administration has engendered is something I feel everyday. I know I’m not alone. If you’re reading this, you probably feel the same. If you’re reading this and you don’t feel those things… Well, brother, you are in the wrong place. “But LizzieLou!” dear reader might exclaim, “maybe you can help show that brother the error of his ways, the wrongness of his thinking. Maybe he is here, on the blog of an old angry lesbian, trying to learn and grow!” My answer is: bullshit. It’s been nearly three years of this shithead and the twin shitshows of incompetence and greed that surround him. Those that support him are doubling down. I’ve written them all off and I have no time, and no heart, to suffer fools.

So there’s another election looming. I vote. I write. I send money. And I am actively stuffing down my dread. I am expecting that the spineless, hypocritical, bigoted Republican party will maintain control of both chambers of Congress. I am also expecting that megalomaniacal wanna-be-dictator will get re-elected in 2020. I stopped watching “The Handmaids Tale” because we’re going to be living that hell soon enough.

Bleak?

Yup.

I won’t deny it. But I will ignore it.

Now back to our regularly scheduled programming: cat pics, doodles, superheroes, sexy ladies, goofballs, and snacks.

My Individual Work Performance

LizzieLou | employment history,inappropriate,nablopomo | Friday, November 2nd, 2018

As I’m working at home this morning, and sitting through my mandatory online training in Prevention of Sexual Harassment, I made a side note to let my wife know that all of the following are indeed welcome in this particular office: touching, hugging, jokes, comments, innuendoes, suggestive looks, gestures, and photos.

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