Meet Your Sweaty Neighbors! It’s Caucus Time!

LizzieLou | neighbors,news & politics | Sunday, February 10th, 2008

`What IS a Caucus-race?’ said Alice; not that she wanted much to know, but the Dodo had paused as if it thought that SOMEBODY ought to speak, and no one else seemed inclined to say anything.

`Why,’ said the Dodo, `the best way to explain it is to do it.’ (And, as you might like to try the thing yourself, some winter day, I will tell you how the Dodo managed it.)

First it marked out a race-course, in a sort of circle, (`the exact shape doesn’t matter,’ it said,) and then all the party were placed along the course, here and there. There was no `One, two, three, and away,’ but they began running when they liked, and left off when they liked, so that it was not easy to know when the race was over. However, when they had been running half an hour or so, and were quite dry again, the Dodo suddenly called out `The race is over!’ and they all crowded round it, panting, and asking, `But who has won?’

This question the Dodo could not answer without a great deal of thought, and it sat for a long time with one finger pressed upon its forehead (the position in which you usually see Shakespeare, in the pictures of him), while the rest waited in silence. At last the Dodo said, `EVERYBODY has won, and all must have prizes.’


On Saturday, afflicted with a cough that sounds like tuberculosis, I toddled forth with Lolly to our neighborhood caucus site. Just within the last week or so did I make up my mind to go stand for HRClinton. It was pretty obvious that Seattle would go for Obama; although I’m not opposed to that, I couldn’t not support My First Lady Candidate. Our precinct went 4 to 1 for Obama; there wasn’t any HRClinton campaign representation so the few us on the HRC side of the room were left to muddle through. We held onto our few peeps and got one delegate to go to the next caucus in April. (I’m her alternate and she had me promise that I would go too.)

It was my first time doing something for a political process besides casting a vote (and displaying a sign) and it was kinda fun and interesting — kinda annoying at times and hot and stuffy as well, but worth enduring and getting into the spirit of the thing. Had I not been diseased and prone to violent coughing fits, I may have even talked a little more. As a bonus, it was entertaining to meet a few more neighbors, some of which I recognized from riding the bus. People introduced themselves by describing their homes: “We’re the brick tudor on the corner.” and “We’re the pink house with the weird bushes in the front.” and “We have that narrow walled driveway and the dogs.” Everyone made efforts to be very polite. So, all-in-all caucusing wasn’t that bad which is good because it seems I’ve got to go do it again.

I hope Hillary sends me a bumper sticker or something.

Goings On

LizzieLou | intersection of death,nablopomo,neighbors | Friday, November 16th, 2007

There has been not insignificant activity outside the house over the last day or so.

First off, the IOD. It now has functioning lights, cross-walks and all. There are still a few problems. The one that has been remedied had Lolly reporting yesterday afternoon that the lights were indicating Green-Go-Cars and White-Walk-Pedestrians at the same time. Certainly that was just going to make things worse. The other problem is that people will pause at the light, then drive through anyway eventhough they are no longer allowed to do so. Because I am so loving and optimistic I wanted to believe that they simply didn’t see the new signs and flashing lights and big orange traffic cones, but actually, they are simply douches. Anyway, we’ll see if the new properly functioning lights can pierce through the IOD’s cloud of evil.

Second off, the neighbor’s house. Yesterday morning as I was getting ready for work I noticed a car, a jeep with New Jersey plates. As I furrowed my brow and pressed my nose up to the window I thought, I hope it isn’t someone I went to high school with! Later in the day a moving truck came and things were unloaded and a lady was giving directions. I kept Lolly busy giving me reports on what was happening on that side of the house as well but she never got a peek at the new peeps. This morning, in the daylight, there is a bright plastic kiddy climbing thing out in the backyard. So I guess those rumors about some people with toddlers moving in are probably true. I hope those kids haven’t learned to swear yet so they don’t understand the words that frequently float out of our house. Poor children. You’d never guess that such a charming pink gingerbread house was home to such curmudgeons.

Eggs and Chickens

LizzieLou | lolly palooza,nablopomo,neighbors | Friday, November 9th, 2007

For today’s lunch, Lolly handed me a plate of scrambled eggs to carry to the table. She also gave me a fork. Then she carried the other items to the table and we commenced eating. After a little while, she looked for the egg plate and noticed it empty. “You ate all the eggs…?” “Yup! They were great!” “…those were for both of us.” We laughed and laughed. I mean look, if you give me a plate of food, if you give me a fork, I’m gonna figure the fork is for eating what’s on the plate. Even if it is supposed to be a communal serving plate. I realize that if we go somewhere for Thanksgiving this could be a problem. Note: serving plate must be accompanied by serving spoon, else it’s mine all mine.

During what was left of our meal – or MY meal, as they all are – we discussed the now empty house next door. There have been a lot of moving activities by the nice neighbors, but all of sudden it seems they are gone. I peered out the window yesterday and their back yard is empty of lawn furniture, sporting equipment and welcome mats. (What was still there, up against the foundation where it must have stopped rolling, was a lonely white bone. It made me cry. So tonight I ran over there and got it in case Tucker ever comes to visit.)

But what was funny at lunch, beside the fact that I am a piggy, was that I realized that we still have the key for the house next door even though the new neighbors are expected any day now. My first prank idea was juvenile and rather gross so I won’t tell you what it was. It did make me realize that there’s potentially an opening for on-going pranks if they don’t change the locks. I had the idea that it would be hilarious to haunt them. Examples of haunting could include: spraying perfume lightly in one corner of the house whenever they go out somewhere, moving all the furniture around in small increments, opening all the cabinet doors, rehanging pictures upside down. I think the key to a successful haunting would to even do things that are unnoticeable, just to create a general feeling of uneasiness. Always the pragmatist, Lolly pointed out that if they are really a couple with small children (as rumors would have them) then they will have one of those nanny-cams and we would get busted.

Which would also be hilarious, but only until getting processed and fingerprinted down at the station.

Now writing this I realize that someone might wonder what I’ve got against the new people that I’ve yet to meet to make me want to scare them and make them unhappy in their new house. Well, I didn’t even think of that. It was just all about the funny. It often is. Lolly and I find joy in coming up with inappropriate behaviors and pranks whenever we are housesitting or pet-sitting for people, but we’ve yet to follow-through with anything good. (I don’t think drinking all the vodka really counts as a prank.) One that we’d love to do, have had the opportunity to do, but never did is to replace the photos of the homeowners with pictures of us in similar poses. During one stint several years ago we also had the brilliant idea of getting “naked,” getting in the couple’s bed, and leaving Polaroids behind for them to find. Surprise!

That’s Just Terrible News

LizzieLou | neighbors | Friday, September 14th, 2007

Our neighbors, the friendly and nice ones, came over the other day to let us be the first to know that they are putting their house on the market and moving. Que Horrible!

And yesterday the sign went up.

We will miss them of course, their kindness and helpfulness (the borrowing of hedge trimmers, the being skinny enough to paint behind the fence, etc.) but we’ll also really miss Tucker, for whom (on whom?) we dog-sit pretty regularly. He’s big and jumpy and slobbery and he loves to eat things even more than me. If you scratch his back, he does a weird little dance and I don’t know if it’s funny or perverted, or maybe both.

The other issue, obviously, is who is going to move in. I hope whoever it is understands that our house is pink, our yard is a dandelion patch, our household is loud and it’s all going to stay that way. We are also nervous that, because the house is little and property values are high, someone might tear it down and put up a “bigfoot” as this has been happening in our neighborhood already. These places are enormous, three stories high and built right up to the property line, not mcMansions, but megahomes.

But I’m not gonna worry… not gonna worry. Not gonna worry.

There is an open house on Sunday; it will be interesting to see who comes around. Should we fly a big Queer Flag? or will the sounds of us watching the WNBA final be enough? I proposed to Lolly that we simply put a sign in the side window that says, “WE’RE GAY.” It’s still under consideration.

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