Gettin’ ’em in a Bunch

LizzieLou | news & politics | Wednesday, February 8th, 2012

I saw a thing about some boycott of JCPenney because they chose Ellen as a spokesperson. “How stupid,” I thought, “Who are these ratfuckers?”

I clicked on over to the OneMillionMoms website (part of the long-time-bug-up-America’s-ass known as the “American Family Association”) to check it out. They had a couple of other “Actions” there besides the call to complain to your local JCPenney stores. One was about the Modern Family episode where Lily was swearing. (Whatever. Losers.) The second was to Macy’s because they had a “Two Grooms” advertisement in their catalogue. For this latter one, there was an easy “Take Action” button that led me to a form letter to send right to Macy’s. So, I took action.

Here’s their letter:

“As a mother and a member of OneMillionMoms.com, I am greatly disappointed in your company’s decision to offend mainstream Americans with your newest mail catalogue. In the hopes of making sales, your company has instead offended many customers in the process. The back cover looks like just a regular ad for your wedding registry service, but there is one major difference with the cake topper of two men instead of the traditional man and woman. The ad also includes a license plate that reads “I do” and hearts scattered everywhere. Just because gay marriage is legal in a few states does not mean this is appropriate marketing. As a conservative customer I will not support it. While your company is a household name, I do not agree with your irresponsible choice of standing behind gay marriage. The homosexual content is highly offensive and not family-friendly advertising. As a consumer, I am asking you to please pull your “two groom” ad immediately and support traditional family values instead of this liberal agenda. My decision to shop in your store depends on it. I look forward to hearing from you regarding my concern.

Here’s mine:

“I am greatly pleased in your company’s decision to offend stupid Americans with your newest mail catalogue. Because gay marriage is legal in a few states it DOES mean this is appropriate marketing. As a customer I WILL support it. While your company is a household name, I agree with your responsible choice of standing behind gay marriage. The content is highly family-friendly advertising. As a consumer, I am asking you to please NOT pull your “two groom” ad immediately and support family values. My decision to shop in your store depends on it. I look forward to hearing from you regarding my concern.”

At least, I think that is what I wrote. I checked the “Send me a copy” option, but I didn’t receive one. Hmmm.

In the meantime I popped off a letter to JCPenney to let them know that I support their decision to employ Ellen and I will be more likely to shop at JCPenney because of it. They promptly sent a nice note back. (“We appreciate your feedback and are equally excited to partner with America’s favorite host.” I wonder if the religious zealot-y types will object to her being called a “America’s favorite host” now. Isn’t America’s favorite “host” the body of Jesus?)

In the meantime I also started getting newsletters from the OMM, about how we shouldn’t fund Planned Parenthood, etc. etc. But, after checking my junk mail spam trap, I still didn’t have anything about my Action! Letter! Hence, I had to go back to the OMM website action page and submit another form letter to Macy’s.

New letter:

“The FAQ of the OneMillionMoms website says: ‘Will my letter be sent exactly as I wrote it? Yes it will. We do not screen or edit any letters written by activists.’ I submitted a valid email address in order to take action on this issue. I believe in traditional values – like marriage. But OneMillionMoms did not a) send me a copy of the email I wrote you, and b) did not contact me via my valid email address to confirm my action. Perhaps they did not like the way that I modified their form letter to you about this issue. I’m trying again: Keep up the good work, Macy’s. Sincerly, An Activist”

Then I unsubscribed from those losers, because honestly, I’m not really a mom.

And instead I went directly over to the American Family Association and subscribed to their AFA ActionAlert mailing list. So when they tell me to write to Home Depot and Disney and the NFL, I will write and say: thank you for continuing to support your homo employees, and thank you for Modern Family, and thank you for giving young ladies like Madonna a chance for some national exposure.

3 Comments

  1. I am proud of my feisty sister! As our mother would say, “I have three feisty daughters.” Yessir! I’m proud of your counter-campaign and, I must say, proud of my contribution of the epithet at top to your activist vocabulary.

    Those douche canoes!

    Comment by Sister — February 26, 2012 @ 6:48 am

  2. Yes, and thank you for your epithet contribution. I wasn’t sure if there was a hyphen in there or not. :P

    Comment by LizzieLou — February 29, 2012 @ 10:13 am

  3. Really? They protested that MF episode? Are they in complete denial about the fact that kids eventually pick up swearing because it’s fun to mimic mommy and daddy and make them laugh/react in horror? I don’t even have kids and I know they do that.

    I recently shopped in JCP with MyFriendDeb, and made a point to find something to buy so I could tell the clerk “Ellen sent me!” She must have missed the newsletter because she had NO idea what I meant. And also seemed slightly less than pleased after I explained. Fuck you, potentially bigoted clerk. You should get down and kiss Ellen’s feet for getting a whole new demographic of customers into your store and ensuring your job security.

    Good for you taking action directly through their site. I’m not sure I’d have the stomach for it. And yeah, it indeed does sound like your letter might have been censored/discarded. The thing about bigots is, they HATE evidence that what they think might not be the same thing everyone else on the planet thinks.

    Comment by Eelaine — March 23, 2012 @ 11:40 am

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