Hello Fornicoons

LizzieLou | pets,wildlife | Thursday, April 17th, 2008

What a day it has been. First I have a bunch of work appointments scattered throughout the day. Then, before I can even start on those I accidentally KICK Weezie Meep in the eyeball. And it’s just terrible and she’s miserable and I call the vet, crying, to tell them that I Kicked My Cat in the Face! and I think she needs to be seen this morning. So now it’s 8:30 a.m.

I weep to Lolly too and we decide not to wait to see our regular Best Vet Ever at 2 p.m. but take Meep to the vet now. So we do and after a bunch of driving back and forth we get her and her scratched cornea back with some eye drops, a shot of pain-killer in her bum, and new blue bib-slash-bonnet. (It really brings out the color of her EYE.)

Finally home again, and I am sitting with Meep on the sofa (with a pounding headache from my guilt-ridden weeping) trying to chill, but she is agitated. I think it’s the drugs. I pause the TiVO and listen. I think I hear cats. But the rest of them are sequestered away upstairs because I can’t right now deal with the hiss-fest that ensues after every trip to the vet. Meep hops up and kind of ambles around like she’s looking for something. I pause and listen again. And now I am sure that I hear cats fighting, and I get up to see what the neighborhood Poop Kitty is up to in our back yard. I go to the door, pull back the curtain and I see….



Holy cats! In the middle of the day? What a racket! Meep wants to see too, but mostly it is just freaking her out even more. The other kitties are in the bedroom and can’t see what’s happening, but I’m sure they can hear it. Lolly comes quickly and we spend the next 30 minutes taking pictures (and a little video) of this (un)usual springtime activity. Not because we are perving on the raccoon sex or anything, but because we’ve only ever seen one raccoon –at night, and skittish– in this neighborhood before, and these are huge! raccoons. I felt as surprised as if I had looked out and seen BEARS in the yard. For a while the fornicoons roll into the big grass thing and it’s quiet for a few minutes until they start up again and roll out the other side.


(stop watching us, Perverts!)

They quiet down a little, but show no signs of going anywhere. I creep out onto the porch, hoping I have time to flee back into the house when they turn to attack me, but I end up scaring them off. They gallop away, squeezing their fuzzy butts under the gate, and disappear into the neighbor’s yard.

Aftermath: The other three cats are still hiding in the bedroom this afternoon. There were weird and frightening sounds, and now there is a weird New Girl in the house with one glowy green eyeball (from the dye they used to check it), wearing a floppy thing, and smelling like a stranger. Oh the HISSING! Oh the FORNICOONS!


  1. Those are good still photos, but they might not adequately convey the hysterically roly-poly nature of the whole er . . . affair. See that pampas grass looking monstrosity in the corner of the yard? The were in the middle of the yard for a bit, right smack dab . . . then rolled around toward the p.g.l.m. . . that shook for a bit as they continued inside it. . . they rolled out, just tumbling over and over each other, middle of the yard, bumping into the fence then back toward the middle again like fluffy pinballs . . .

    And LOUD (yowling)! Quite the little pornographic performers, these two. I had no idea raccoons were like this. Not that I’d really been wondering about how raccoons make the little raccoons, but I can say I was still a bit surprised.

    Also, we’d never even seen a raccoon in our neighborhood at all before except once, while walking the neighbors dog, and then that one only gave us a glimpse as it scampered away. Then suddenly today, after a few years living here, Barry White for Raccoons suddenly booms out from our backyard.

    LL did mow the lawn recently. Perhaps it was exceptionally inviting.

    Comment by Lolly — April 17, 2008 @ 4:42 pm

  2. You edited and now my comment makes less sense. Oh well.

    Comment by Lolly — April 17, 2008 @ 4:51 pm

  3. Po’ po’ Weezy Meeps. I kick the ferrets in the head (not the EYE) all the time, but a.) their heads are made of solid concrete and b.) it’s more a case of them leaping at my foot as I’m stepping forward than an actual kick. You are a bad, bad mom.

    Oh yeah, hot coontang. You should submit it to icanhascheezburger.com (my newest obsession) to see what kind of LOLCat captions people come up with.

    Comment by eelaine — April 18, 2008 @ 10:29 am

  4. P.S.: But actually a very good mom for rushing her to the vet right away, so I take back my very flippant comment that might cause you to cry more which I certainly do not want.

    Comment by eelaine — April 18, 2008 @ 10:39 am

  5. wow.

    Comment by Linsey — April 18, 2008 @ 9:41 pm

  6. The crying has subsided, mostly (mostly). Although Meep has a visible dent in her eyeball, I think she is getting better.

    The Fornicoons have not returned. How long is the gestation period of raccoon? When can we expect to be aunties?

    Comment by LizzieLou — April 20, 2008 @ 3:01 pm

  7. OHMYGOD. I almost forgot to tell you — this weekend I watched my sooper special edition Aliens Director’s Cut with commentary, which included Carrie “Newt” Henn. She didn’t have much to say since she was 10 at the time, but she did start talking about one scene that she hated because to this day her friends tease her about it by finding any excuse to insert the line into conversation. I thought, “Oh no, not….?” Mostly. Mostly. “Yeah, we go to the movies mostly on the weekend. Mostly.” they’ll say.

    Best commentary I ever listened to, BTW. I’m heading over to Amazon to write up my review properly soon.

    Comment by eelaine — April 22, 2008 @ 11:31 am

  8. Hilarious! It’s a classic – she should be proud!

    Comment by LizzieLou — April 22, 2008 @ 2:58 pm

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